Friday, August 3, 2012

I challenge Stephen Colbert to a children's book-off

There is a long history of politicians and their families penning books for children. This list includes Presidents like Teddy Roosevelt, Jimmy Carter, and Barack Obama as well as family members like Laura and Jenna Bush, Meghan McCain, and Callista Gingrich. But the book in this genre I am most interested in is the book authored by well known conservative newsman Stephen Colbert titled "I Am a Pole (And So Can You)" which tells the story a poll looking for its true calling in life.

With this in mind I decided to write my own book as a response to Stephen's Colbert's attempt at children's literature.


If I can tool, anyone can.

I am a tool I just don’t know what kind
I must be important in more than my mind

Perhaps I’m a tool for a sly sneaky Fox
The kind with great hair that just talks, talks, talks, talks

Or maybe I’m a tool for a giant corporation
Convincing the world their greed’s good for the nation

Maybe I’m a tool for a big Papa Bear
With a temper, a big mouth and a nice comfy chair

How about a tool for more military might
Outspending the world but still it’s too light

Clearly I’m a tool that fits any program
But I’d still like to know the type of tool that I am

I could be a tool for the top one percent
To make sure everyone thanks them for the money they’ve spent

It’s possible I’m a tool for a gun organization
Warning people about the impending gun confiscation

It’s conceivable that I’m a tool for a rogue Elephant
To give her a hand remembering things that she can’t

Or perhaps I’m a tool for a pretty tea party
To help take back this country from the truly foolhardy

But I’ve finally realized everyone uses me
And I think I discovered what tool I must be

It’s clear that so far I’ve have been thinking too small
I’m a misinformed voter – the biggest tool of all

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