I'm Conflicted!

Yesterday, in an attempt to get some interest in Piers Morgan, CNN.com ran this story:

Howard Stern Almost Retired Last Year

My immediate thought was doesn't he do that every time his contract is up? He pretends like he is going to retire so he can milk just a few extra bucks (or stock shares I guess) from his employer. I mean, Howard Stern makes Brett Favre look like Joe "Quit saying I'm retiring...I'm not!" Paterno.

While I acknowledge I don't know the details of these types of negotiations - negotiations I do know you ask? Well, let's just say it involves comic books and haggling with a guy who clearly hasn't showered in weeks - but it does seem odd that a guy who claims to have strongly considered retirement would sign on for FIVE more years! That would be like Ben Bernanke thinking of retiring before deciding what the heck? I'll serve another fourteen year term on the Board of Governors of The Fed.

So, anyway, Mr. Stern is coming back. I know I should not care considering I had no idea that his contract was even expiring and I am generally quite content to ignore Mr. Stern.

However, I want to add that in researching this blog post (Yes, I do some research! Unlike my colleague who goes from The Gut a la "Stephen Colbert"), I found this quote from Mr. Stern:

Jay (Leno) is insane. And Jay is a crook. And the world knows exactly what he's up to. He steals a tremendous amount of material...he's not fit to scrub David Letterman's feet. I don't know how he's beaten David Letterman in the ratings. It's beyond my comprehension. America must be filled with morons who at night lay in bed -- the ones who are watching him, they must be in a coma.

Mr. Stern speaketh the truth! I make no bones about being on Team Coco and if Conan gets back on the air, I will definitely watch his show. What's that? Conan is back on TV?!? Hmmmm...I guess I've been too busy to watch... damn you, Angry Birds!

Oh well, I guess congrats on your new contract, Mr. Stern... now go away for five years when you can consider retiring again (wink wink) before signing on to make another half billion dollars doing fart jokes, asking men about the size of their penis, and asking women if they like anal sex.

What a country?

Can I Get Odds On This?

Listen, I hate the Vikings. It's not because I'm a Detroit-area Lions honk who hates the Packers, Bears, and Vikings out of some obligatory divisional rivalry reasoning either. I just HATE Brett Favre. Let me repeat that (to go all Joe Biden on you): I HATE BRETT FAVRE. Okay, just so we are clear.

But I was watching Jim Rome is Burning yesterday. And Jim Rome was not burning because he had the day off and was replaced by the douchebag Jason Smith. He is a total dork. Anyway, he said this about the Vikings:

Sorry Vikings fans but your team is already in HUGE trouble. Nine wins are their ceiling now and the playoffs are out of the question. Vincent Jackson or no Vincent Jackson.

This was reminiscent of Michael Smith (no relation?) making his prediction that a 1-3 start (without Ben Roethlisberger) would kill the Steelers season. (With the Steelers at 2-0 w/o Big Ben, I guess we'll never know if he'd have been correct).


I am the resident Furriners stat geek. So I'm sure there are relevant statistics on what percentage of teams that start 0-2 make the playoffs. I do not know what it is. I am confident it is a very high number. But I am also very confident that it's not 0%. Or, as Mike Wilbon would exclaim "ZERO PERCENT!!!!"... does he still do that? I stopped watching because Kornheiser is annoying.

Anyway, I am not counting out the Vikings. As of today, I'm giving them a 63% chance of making the playoffs.

Did I mention I HATE Brett Favre?